By Jason Bourne
This post was written on September 1, 2016
We first met at a bar in Sweden. I had no clue what I was in for. On the encouragement of my friend I approached you, and then shortly after, I tasted you. I was hooked for it was like a drug. I had never felt a high like that and I haven’t since. I was numb to everything else around me. There was nothing anybody could have said to me in that moment that would have made me take my thoughts off of you. That has been a theme throughout our tenuous relationship since.
I brought you to my hotel that night – at least the memory of you. I then physically brought you to my hotel the next night, and the night after that. Then I came home and engaged in a long distance relationship to ensure this was real. You would pay me a visit, but never would I visit you. Before long there weren’t many nights I could go without your taste. I moved to Europe.
Now we were closer and I could taste you almost everyday. The minute you arrived in my flat I was overjoyed with excitement. I removed all the packaging as quickly as I could. I could hardly contain myself. I had to have you right away.
There were moments of course, where I would feel deep regret. Everyone knew you were bad for me. It became obvious this was like an addiction. Was this really healthy for me? Deep down I knew it would damage me in the long term. I knew you weren’t good for me. Everyone I knew was shocked at the new love I had found – they just couldn’t see me with this. They couldn’t understand it. Yet the feeling you brought me was irresistible.
In time I decided to ignore what everyone was saying. You had got a hold of me. I was in a trance and couldn’t, nor wouldn’t, come out of it – no matter how conscious or aware I was. I even tried to take a break from you, knowing you weren’t good for me. At some point, during that two-week process I realised that happiness is what mattered and that no matter what anyone said – you made me happy.
It was at that point I committed to you and I remain committed to you to this very day. It has been 8 years since. There isn’t a day I don’t come home and feel a sense of joy to taste you. There is nothing better than coming home after a long day to you. I look forward to it on many occasions. I even abandoned a social life because of you, which I have since rekindled, as that would send me to a place too far gone.
I have learned to balance you with the rest of my needs. There is you and then there is the rest of my life, but you are always at the center of it. I must get that taste when I wake up on a weekend, but I can barely delay gratification during the week until I return home to you at the end of a workday. It took me a while to learn how to control myself, but I can manage it now. For love is like a drug and it can be a poisonous one – if you allow it to be.
No matter what, you never talk back to me. You accept me for who I am and you are always there for me, whenever I need you. There is nothing else in this world that does that for me. We are the perfect match and go together better than any pairing on this earth. I was meant to find you.
I might one-day regret that day we met in a dingy, hipster bar in Stockholm. That day is not yet here. I will savour every moment I have with you until that day when I am forced to face the dangers you bring, and that day will come. Despite all of the risks, there is no doubt in my mind, you are my one true love. Even if it kills me.